12 Days of Christmas Support for Grieving Friends

DAY 1 of 12: Maybe you’re like me and are in search of practical ways to support our grieving friends. I sure was and still am. I’ll share 12 tips that you can check out.

Day 1: If possible – Hugs all around unless this makes the huggee uncomfortable. When a newborn is brand new, one of the first things they do is provide skin to skin contact. After all, we’re human. So share a hug if it was part of their culture before the loss.

Day 2 Help your friend write out Christmas cards, or thank you cards, especially the ones that don’t require a personal touch, if sending cards is something they normally would do.

Day 3 Set aside a time (time is such a gift) and let your friend know you’ve booked off. i.e.. Thursday from 1-3 and are available for any errands you can do for her/him. It can be as simple as a few groceries that need replacing, picking up from the cleaners, or dropping off mail that needs to go out. Please ban from your vocabulary, ‘Call me if you need anything.’ They’re overwhelmed and would find it next to impossible to focus on that.

Day 4 An alternative to Day 3 – ask: ‘Would you like me to drive you anywhere?’ When folks are in shock it’s an added stress just getting that car out of the garage.

Day 5 Another alternative to Day 3 (check previous posts) – if they don’t wish to go out (change of surroundings and fresh air) – would you like some company, I’m happy to just come over and spend some time with you?

Day 6 Send flowers with a ‘Just Because’ card, especially if they’re far away.

Day 7 Clean house for her/him, understanding that chores may have slid right off their agenda (meaning they really need this). You need to keep in strict confidence the level of grime you find, never sharing anything else you come across as you enter their sacred space.

Day 8 Provide day care or respite care whichever is needed most to give them a break. Provide a healthy meal based on keeping their immune system boosted, as stress weakens the immunity.

Day 9 Replace the greeting, ‘How are you doing/feeling today?’ with ‘It’s great to see you’ or ‘it’s great to hear your voice’. Asking that question always puts PRESSURE ON THEM.

Day 10 If you are asking them to come over for a Holiday meal with you, remove the pressure for an answer. Instead say, ‘You don’t have to commit now, I’ll phone the day before and see if you’re up to coming. We have lots of food and would cherish having you here’.

Day 11 If finances are tight and expenses are heavy, start a fundraiser to raise funds as a gift (could also pay for a possible flight to travel to where long-distance family is).

Day 12 Keep it going. Be sure to record the loved one’s birthday or their anniversary so you can remember them during the year. Grief doesn’t just disappear after a week or two. Long term commitments to friends who grieve is a VERY SPECIAL GIFT.